The Perfect Fit

I'm about to talk about something that I don't really like to talk about, however, it's something that I can guarantee (100% Kara Guarantee, pinky promise. And I do take those seriously) every person who has had to be put on steroids (prednisone, solymederol, steriod packs, etc.) has dealt with.

Let's talk about weight.

Honestly, I don't know how much I weigh.
I haven't looked at a scale in I don't know how many years.

This isn't because I'm one of those self-conscious girls who can only have so many calories a day because I think I'm fat.

This is because I've been on steroids now for 6+ years and my weight fluctuates constantly depending on how many milligrams I'm taking due to the amount of  pain I'm in.

Could I lose some weight?
Yes.

Do I worry about this on a daily basis?
Heck no. I've got better things to worry about.

So I'm not going to look at my weight and freak out because I'm a little chubby. I'm a healthy (hahahahaha, that's funny) girl who stays around the same size and I'm totally ok with that.

I would love to lose some weight and I do every now and then, but I know it's going to come back the next time I flare.

I've been as small as a size 4 since my health got really bad in high school and as big as a size 12.

Right now, I'm an 8.

Yes, I just totally told the world that. But it goes along with the purpose of this post and I said that I would leak my secrets if it  pertained to the story at hand.

I love food. Who doesn't. But those of us who do have autoimmune diseases should be watching what we eat. If we do get overweight, it can be detrimental to our health in more ways than one. A few of my friends are gluten free and I've taken some steps in changing my diet to "Kara-style Gluten it up". I just really like bread and cheese though.

I'm working on it.

So those of you who do know what I'm talking about with the "one week you fit in your 6's then the next week you're a size larger", I'm right there with you.

I have a rough time dealing with upping my steroids to numb the pain or dealing with it so I can stay the same size.

At the end of the day though, I would rather walk and be fat and happy than be skinny and not be able to move a bone in my body.

You've got to find that perfect fit and I'm not talking about the size of your jeans here.
You've got to find that happy balance (strength, courage, bravery, smarts) within yourself, steroids included...or not...depending on how bad you're hurting today.

Don't get me wrong here, I still feel really uncomfortable with my body sometimes. I'm not saying that you'll ever get over that. Especially if you flare as much as I do.

I still have those "princess diaries" moments (don't judge me, it's one of my favorite movies) when sometimes you just look in the mirror and say to yourself, "this is as good as it's gonna get".




But, you're beautiful no matter how many milligrams you're on, what size you're wearing, or how much pain you're in.

What makes you beautiful is how strong you are when you're fighting this disease.

The moment you find that perfect fit is the moment that you will truly feel comfortable with your body.

*Disclaimer note: That last part ^ right there, I'm just really hoping is true lol! Hey now, I'm a 22 year old. I never said I figured it all out yet, just some of it :)