You are strong

So if you've been reading, you know that I've been flaring the past few days. Well, yesterday was a first for me.

I went to class (grad school, mind you) with no makeup on and in sweats. 

I realized when I woke up that I wasn't going to be able to move much, but I decided to get in the shower and try anyway.

If I could have my own tv show, it would be hilarious! Have you ever seen an animal with no hands try and pick up something? That was me in the shower. 

Wait, it gets better.

I then make my way down the Stairs cursing the choice I made to live in a townhouse that has 2 floors and I think, "ok, I'll make my water bottle for the day and put some lemon in it". 

Knowing I can't move my hands, let me go pick up a knife and cut something.

I imagine that you already know what's about to happen....

Yes, I sliced my thumb open. But I didn't realize I had done it (I was concentrating on not thinking about the pain in my hands) until I saw all the blood all over the lemon that I had just purchased. By this point it was 8:30 in the morning and I was pissed. 

5 bandaids and 1 really bloody lemon later, I headed back up to my room to get my school stuff.

Why didn't I think to bring it down with me, I have no earthly idea. 

I'm a very stubborn person already, but when I flare that multiples by 10. So throughout the day, knowing that I look like crap and feel like it too, I wouldn't ask for help. I also was a smart alek and when people would ask if I didn't feel good, I would reply with a, "oh no, I'm totally going to workout after this"

Everyone could tell something was wrong. But this is normal to me and not to them. I had to remind myself of that. All of my friends here had never seen me this bad before. I'm always very conscious of things I say when I'm flaring, because I can lose my temper easily, that being said....I do my best to be Postive. So when they asked if I needed help or how I was, it was always a "thank you, but I got it" or "I'm alright, it'll be better soon". 

Between classes we had to walk to our other building and what normally takes a 10 minute walk took me 20. All of my friends walked the same pace as me. It's moments like that, when they don't have a clue what you're going through, when they can't imagine the pain you're in, but you have a smile on your face because they do something as simple as that...that makes everything worth it. Every bit of pain disappears because they help in ways that they don't realize they're helping and they make you smile. 

It's not the things they say or help you do. It's the way they make you laugh and smile that makes you realize that you are strong. 

You are unbelievably strong.