It takes a lot to get me angry and if you've read any of my blog posts before you know I'm a pretty positive and happy person.
Well, I have my good days and bad days just like everyone else.
Most of the time though, my bad days are caused by a flare up (if you're just now starting to read, go back a few posts and you can read the details of what this is) and not something anybody did.
Please don't think you did something to tick me off (you didn't) yesterday, I was flaring and I couldn't not come to school because of it.
Let me explain what was going through my mind yesterday...
I was sick earlier in the week and that turned into a flare which started on Tuesday and then by Thursday it had reached it full potential and the poor people in my classes/groups had to put up with me.
So I get a temper when I'm flaring and once again this is not caused by anyone.
I can't speak for everyone who has a chronic illness, but most of my frustration and anger comes from within. Basically, I'm mad at myself.
Why are you mad? You ask.
Well, I'm mad because not only can I not put on the lid to my tumblr, but I can't pick it up with one hand, I can't tie my shoes therefor I have to pretend to be in middle school again where I just put my feet on the laces and pray that my foot doesn't slide out of them as I walk, I could barely put on my bra, let alone my shirt, then putting on my backpack was difficult because I can't bend my elbow, forget doing my hair and makeup....and that's just all before I'm out the door.
Then I have to open my car door, drive to class with limited mobility in my wrists, sit through class for nearly 6 hours, listen to a professor talk about something that you can't even remember because you're trying to hold back tears because you're back is hurting so bad and you just want to SCREAM.
So you have all of this going on but this is nothing to what the little voice inside my head is telling me. Taunting me to give up and give in and just go home. But no, you have to prove yourself wrong. You have to prove that you can make it through the day, you can sit there and smile and laugh with your friends because you know it makes you feel better....and it does!
Side note: Humor helps! Make me laugh, always make me laugh and I guarantee it'll help. Not just me either, it helps anyone who is in pain. Pinky Promise.
Anyway, so you've got all the physical stuff going on and all the mental stuff trying to psych you out all while trying to pay attention in class and participate in group activities when all you want to do is tell yourself to just
And you can't.
So you sit there in your own little world just thinking about it all and trying to pass the time till you can make it back to your sweats, bed, and pain pills again.
Like I said earlier, I'm normally a pretty happy person and will talk to people pretty much all the time.
When I'm flaring, I'm quiet and I will go off alone or just look like crap basically.
It's better this way because I don't want to lose my temper and go all hulk on someone.
It's happened.
It's not pretty.
But that's not me, it's the pain and my point in disclosing this information to you is because it helps you better understand that if you interact with a person who has a chronic illness and they are in pain and say mean things or don't talk to you....don't take it personally. They don't mean it (ok, they might...I don't know the person...but in my case...I don't mean it).
Try and make them laugh.
That always always always helps me.
Just remember how you are on your bad days and how you would want to be treated.
And if all else fails, just ask the person if there is anything that you can do to help.
Side note #2: Don't get offended if the answer is no. In my experiences, sadly, there is nothing you can do to help with the pain or help me out (other than making me laugh!). That's just the perks of having RA. It happens and it's something my friends and family have a hard time dealing with because they want to help, but they can't.
Just ask though. It's always appreciated and thoughtful when you do.
While I mentioned helping and since I'm still flaring so I tend to be more straightforward and honest when I'm hurting....
I'm a very stubborn person and some people who have chronic illnesses can be. I tend to enjoy doing things for myself.
For example: If you see me struggling with (let's use the example from above) my tumblr lid and you want to help me out. It's much more amusing to watch me do it (because I have a chronic illness I can joke about these things hahaha) than it is to help me. I say this because, if I'm flaring, I'm not going to let you help me until I've tried with every ounce of energy that I have...then I will hand it to you without saying a word, you open it, and then give it back. DON'T take it from me or do it for me without me giving it to you or asking me first if I need help.
That's one for sure way to tick me off.
That's a no no.
Basically, when I'm flaring I'm like a 4 year old. (not really, but in terms of describing this situation, I am).
When in doubt, just ask hahaha!
Ask me if I need help (most of the time I'll say no then come to you in 5 minutes)
Laugh about it with me, unless it just freaks you out and if it does then let's talk about it.
Flareups are normal for me and I will always apologize for how quiet and withdrawn I get when I have them, but it's a part of life for me and I just want people to understand that it's nothing personal.
Next time you see me (or someone with a chronic illness) flaring, don't think "oh my gosh I can't talk to her today or I need to avoid him", instead strike up a conversation to get there mind elsewhere.
They will appreciate the effort, thought, and time you took to make us smile...
and so will I :)
No comments:
Post a Comment