Helping the unhelpable

What do you do when you can't do anything?
When you want to help, but you can't.
When you want to do everything in your power to fix what's wrong but you don't have the power to do that.
It's not because you don't want to help, but there's literally nothing you can do to make it better.

So, what do you do?

The answer is quite simple to hear, but even harder to understand.

You do nothing.

Worrying about something that you can't fix isn't going to help the problem.
Does it mean we stop worrying, well no, that's not something I have the answer to.

But when you can't make someone stop hurting, when you can't help the pain go away, you have to walk away from the idea that you can help.

I'm not saying literally walk away...
That would be mean lol!

I'm saying you just have to let the idea that you have the magical healing powers go (let it gooo, let it goooo).

Now like I said above, it's easier said than done. It's not anything against you, trust me. I wish that you could fix me and make the pain go away as much as you want to fix me and help the pain go away.

This is something that nearly everyone that knows me personally and who has seen firsthand my health problems has gone through.

They want to help. I want them to help. Heck, I want to be able to help myself.

But I can't. I'm unhelpable.

And this blog is telling me that that's not a word, but I googled it and it is. So there.

But back to my point, coming to the realization that you can't be helped and there's nothing to do to help is a very hard task.

So then kara, how do I help the unhelpable?!

Well step one is you need to realize you can't....but.....

Just being there with someone while they are hurting is the number one thing. Or leaving them alone, that works too!

For example, I don't like to be touched. I'm not a touchy all the feels type of person, so for me, when I'm hurting, just having someone to lie on the couch (not near me or in a recliner beside me) and just watch movies and tv. That's how I'm helped. Just make sure I'm breathing, check on me every now and then, and I'm fine lol!


This is probably one of the hardest aspects of having a chronic illness.
Coming to the understanding that you can't fix the problem.
I'm not sure if it's something you can even grasp.

I mean, I still like to think that I can find new ways to deal with things.
Maybe that's how I help myself!

Either way, next time someone asks what they can do to help and the response is, "there's nothing you really can do", don't take it personally. It's nothing against you. You honestly can't help.

You can't help the unhelpable, but you can be there beside them, you can be there with them.

Sometimes, that's all that really matters.