Typical New Year Post

I know, I know, I haven't written anything in a while. I've had a few people tell me that I need to write more and that they miss reading my blog. I appreciate that more than you know.

To hear someone say that they are actually reading it and enjoying it, just makes me so happy!

So here goes the typical new year post.

I decided not to make one on facebook because there is just too much to say.

Let me start out by saying that 2014 was a sucky year.
No, it wasn't sucky, it was just downright the worst year my family has ever had.

We had 6 deaths in my family. SIX.
Granted, one of those was a close family friend and the other was my dog...but really...I'm counting them.

My medicines changed and lab results came back bad more times than the amount of date offers I had in the last two years (that's really not hard to do lol!).

The statement, "When it rains, it pours" is totally true.

Don't get me wrong, there were some highlights to 2014! I was able to visit California for the first time and fell in love with it. I was also able to go see one of my best friends in DC, then road trip back with her. I'm doing well in school and also applied for the Ph.D program. I've also learned so much within the last year that I feel like I'm as old as my bones now.

I'm a really big believer in finding the positive in the negative situations and if you go back in my posts, you'll see that. You'll see that I mention looking past the negativity and knowing that you have the power to overcome and survive what's in front of you in previous posts.

But here's the ugly truth...

Every single person hides behind a happy mask. We do it all the time, but this year we did it more than usual.

We pretend we are okay and tell ourselves that we are okay because we think that if we do it enough, we will actually, honestly believe it.

I do it all the time with my Arthritis and I guarantee you that you've done it before as well.

You think that if you put on a smile and say, "I'm not in pain today, I got this.", that it will be fine.

It won't. But we do it anyway.

Now, once again, I like to find the positive in the negatives, but you know that if you read my posts, I'm honest with you too.

I love the "you can do it" attitude. But go back to one of my very first posts, the "It's ok" post and you'll see what I'm trying to get at here.

It's ok to not be ok.

I'm still working on trying to admit it myself, but after this year, it couldn't be more true.

I'm walking around with a smile on my face, but in reality I can barely catch my breath because the pain in my lower back keeps taking it away.

My grandmother says she's doing great, and she really is, but I know there are times when she won't admit that the pain she feels is like a bullet that went straight through her heart because she lost the love of her life and nothing can fix that.

Now I'm not saying that we are ever going to let our real feelings show when we are out and about, I know I have too much pride for that. Hahaha! I'm too stubborn as well!

What I'm really getting at here is that yes you can push yourself and yes you can be positive all you want, but it's ok to let it go sometimes. It's ok to admit to yourself that you are in pain and that you are hurting.

The funny thing here is that the first step is admitting that you have a problem and then working on how you can fix that problem.

So let's work on admitting that we aren't ok and then focus on the power we have to overcome it, survive it, and push past it.

We normally just want the quick fix, I do all the time.
But in 2015, let's see how we can really fix the pain and stress that we are experiencing.

Note: When I say pain here, I'm really meaning everything but the physical pain lol! When I find a way to fix the physical pain, I'll let you know.

But really, It's ok to not be ok.

That's something I'm going to work on in 2015.
I'm not saying it's going to be easy.
I'm not saying that I'm going to succeed.
I'm saying that I'm going to try.

Look, there's the positive peggy coming back out...Finally Peggy...finally.

So in 2015 I'm going to:

Workout more (Yeah, let's see how long this lasts)
Write more
Live more.
Learn to be ok with not being ok.

Here's to a new year filled with hope, happiness, and good health!


Disclaimer note: This post is not me admitting that I have a problem, it's me saying that I need to admit that I have a problem. ;)