In the blink of an eye

If there's anything that I've learned from the 8 deaths that have happened since last April it's that anything and everything will happen in the blink of an eye.

It's amazing how things can be fine one minute and then in the next it's a complete disaster.

I feel like it's all a blur.

One of the things that happened this weekend that I want to get into is how unexpected and fast pain can hit you without you even noticing it was approaching.

I had planned to come home for a few reasons this weekend and then along the way I ended up attending 2 funerals along with my original plans. I had only intended on attending one funeral and didn't think I would be staying any extra days (this is how much of a shock and just an example of how fast something can happen) therefore I didn't pack any extra meds.

Side note: I've had this disease for how long?? 17 years...you would think that by now I would always carry around extra meds just in case....well....I don't.

So I had my pills up until last night, but didn't have any for today.
My body is so used to the medicine being at a certain time that when it doesn't get it, it then begins to act like a terrible two year old throwing a tantrum.

Here's how pain surprised attacked me today.
8:00 breakfast without meds
9:00 right knee began to hurt (sign of rain, sign of flare, or sign of no meds)
11:30 Right wrist begins to disobey me when I want it to work (rule out rain, sign of flare, or sign of no meds)
By 12:45 I could barely move both of my wrists without some sort of pain and my right knee was throbbing. It was then that I remembered that "oh kara, you smart person you, you didn't take your meds this morning because you didn't pack any".

That fast. Within 4 hours, 3 of my joints were throwing a fit.
All because I didn't have a magical pill that prevents this from happening.

It's scary, really.


Now, I have to say that I've been functioning under high stress situations...no let's strike that...
I've been living in high stress situations since March. That on top of no meds can create bad bad bad flares or breakdowns or both,

Luckily, I haven't had a major flare in a while (KNOCK ON WOOD) and I hope to not have one any time in the future.

How am I handling the high stress situations you ask?!
Yeah, I don't know the answer to that.

I mean, I just push forward. I distract myself. I remind myself of the day and only think about what needs to be done in order to survive it. I think about my papa and how he made it so long fighting what he had. I think about how I can't let anything stop me because if I do, then I'll actually feel the pain.

Feeling the pain.

Now that's a topic right there.

In the blink of an eye you can go from being completely distracted and focused on something else and then...
.....BAM.....
it hits you....

you feel the pain.

I know there are 2 types of pain that I teeter totter from on a regular basis.

Those two types are emotional and physical of course!

But really, they will hit you out of nowhere.

For me I do the really healthy thing (SARCASM) where I just keep pushing myself and distract myself because I know once I slow down I'll feel it all.

It's like I mentioned a few blogs ago, the feeling you get when you've been working all day and you finally come home to lay down on your bed and then BOOM there it is. The weight of your day has piled itself on your lower back and now you can't breathe without feeling it.

That's a physical example.

An emotional one would be that you are doing alright lately and then you walk into your grandma's house to see that there are 2 bags of chips ahoy cookies on the counter knowing that your papa used to buy the BOGO ones for you because those are your favorite cookies and it hits you. He didn't do that.

Pain will hit you when you least expect it.
In fact, you can't live your life expecting the pain.
What kind of life is that?

Instead, you have to be aware of what makes the pain better, manageable, what makes it leave.

I call my friends when I'm in the middle of crying just so they can tell me random things about their day. I push through it and distract myself. I sleep. I watch netflix uncontrollably. I lay in bed if I'm hurting and hide under the covers. All of these things help the different kinds of pain that I experience.

What helps you?

It's best to know because like I said above, it happens in the blink of an eye.
You can't prevent it from coming (I mean, you can try but it's gonna catch up to you), but you can have the solutions to help it go away,

Think about those and use them. See if it helps and then let me know...
I mean, after all, I'm no expert lol! I like hearing what helps you too!