Suffer or Survive?

It's been a very long time since I've written and I sincerely apologize.
Grad school is very demanding of my time and when I'm not doing that I'm in sweat pants watching my future husband (Dr. Spencer Reid) in criminal minds on netflix.

So much has happened since I wrote last, how about we recap the last month (if I can remember)!


There was Disney with Heather and Easton where we dressed as star wars characters and had a blast!
Then Halloween where I went to see an awesome circus show here on campus and hangout with awesome friends.
School, School, and more School.

But then...things got serious.

A man who needed help mentally and emotionally came and intruded on my school.
You all know the story, so I'm not going to recap or give my opinion of the matter.
I'm just going to say that he needed help and we need to raise awareness on mental health issues and the resources available to those who need it. They are out there and nobody should feel ashamed of wanting to talk to someone about how they feel.

That was the week before thanksgiving, so I was thankful for a break away from school (for the most part).

Thanksgiving was weird this year without papa and meeme. It was hard, but we survived just like we have the past 7 months.

But NOW it's time for Christmas and I can blast the music as loud as I want!
Break is just around the corner and I can almost smell the mistletoe I won't be kissed under!
I know it's going to be hard and sad and difficult, but it's Christmas and it's the best time of the year.

We will survive.
We will not suffer.

Everyone is given a choice. It's simple.
Do you want to suffer or do you want to survive?

With grad school, with the shooting, with the heartache of missing someone, with the pain of dealing with a disease....
Suffer or Survive?

The power is with YOU.

Yeah, I'm in pain nearly every day of my life....
but I'm not going to choose to be miserable every single day.
Can you imagine how exhausting that would be?

I choose to survive and make the best out of the situation.
It's really the smart choice.

Now, I'm not saying that you can't have miserable days.
I have the ALL the time, just ask anyone.
But you have to have more good days than bad.

You have to choose to be a survivor.
It happened, it was horrible, I hated it, I'm so sad, but then what?
You acknowledge it and then what are you going to do about it?
Are you going to choose to be Mr. Grumpy Gills or are you going to move forward and act on what happened.

Grad school sucks, but I love knowing that I'm going to help someone someday.
The shooting was terrible and I'm scared sometimes about it happening again, but I'm going to advocate for mental health issues being discussed and talked about.
My papa and meeme have been gone 7 months now and I miss them more than anything, but they wouldn't want me sad, they would want me living life.
I'm in pain, yes. But I can use that pain to reach others and to push myself to be better.

I'm not suffering. I'm surviving. I'm pushing forward in life because why would you want to constantly be talking about the negative.

Bad things are happening around the world. Bad things are happening in the US. Bad things are happening in the city you are living in.

But good things are happening too.

Dance Marathon, Local charities, guys there are good things in the world that can be talked about too.

I'm tired of hearing about riots and fires in the streets.
Quit acting immature and focusing only on yourself and your suffering.
Instead, think of ways you can move past what is happening in order to better yourself.

It's Christmas time.
So please, let's talk about the good that's taking place in this world and take a break from all the negativity.

Stop suffering for once and let's be survivors and overcome the difficult things in our lives.
The choice is yours, you just have to pick sides.



Not to completely switch gears, because the people that I'm helping are surviving and battling diseases ever single day, but I just want to give a shout out to all those who have helped me work towards my goal for dance marathon. I know firsthand some of the things these kids are experiencing and while I was never as sick as some of them are, I do know that Children's Miracle network is an amazing thing that helps each and every kid out there. I've been one of those kids, I've worked for them before, and I plan to continue to help them in the future. I'm 40 dollars away from my goal, but I'm going to continue doing my #DMdares until DM in February. So, If you have any dares, just post them to my facebook or email me or text me, then donate a small amount (5/10 bucks is all) and then watch and laugh your butt off while I perform the dare! It's for an awesome cause and you get a laugh out of it. So hit me up! Check out a few of the dares I've done on my facebook page and here is the link for my DM information.

http://noles4kids.kintera.org/karadingess



Have a wonderful Holiday Season and a Merry Christmas :)

Normal...what's that even mean?

If you've kept up with the blog, then you know I'm getting my masters in counseling.
Well I was reading articles and case studies and you know...doing the whole grad school student thing when I came across something about a professor normalizing one of his students with a disability and it kind of set off a little spark in my head.

Now this is a hot topic in education today.

I'm not here to say what's right and what's wrong.

There certainly can be benefits for putting students with disabilities in regular classrooms (depending on the disability) and there can be faults to that.

Once again, I'm not here to say what's right and wrong, nor am I here to talk about education.

What ticked me off was that the professor who is supposed to cater to the student's disability was sitting there ignoring it....not not ignoring it...downright against it. The professor wanted the student to act "normal".

Now...I've wanted to be normal my whole life.
But what is normal, because normal means something different to everyone.
But.....
Normal for me is playing whatever sport you want to play and still being in no pain the next day. Normal is not taking 12 pills and a shot just to survive.
Normal is not having to get labs once every 2 weeks to make sure your liver isn't failing.
Normal is not having a disability.

In this case, the professor is normalizing the student, therefore she doesn't want to be normal anymore.

Does society not do this on a daily basis?

You have to be normal or you get made fun of.

You have to act just like the others or else you'll never fit in.

What's wrong with this picture?
Everything.

This student who needs the benefits to help her in life is not able to get them because society/the professor/average joe wants her to be normal.

How do we fix this?
How do we stop normalizing the stigma of a disability?
How do we demolish the idea that being normal is something that we should strive to be?

Go read my Accept Adaptation Post and you'll get an idea :)

We should be extraordinary with or without a disability.
We should want to be the best version of ourselves that we can be.

That professor was wrong.
Anybody who wishes normality on anyone is wrong.

See, I'm stubborn in the way that, let's take this example, that if I was forced to be normal...I wouldn't want to be it anymore.

In fact, I would downright ignore the person and be myself.

If you force something on someone, they aren't going to have a positive reaction to it.

Let the student have extra time on her test.
Let the kid stand up from time to time so his legs don't ache.
Let those who have wanted their whole lives to be normal, realize how uneventful it really is.

It's not hurting you in anyway, so why not?

While I've wanted to be normal my whole life, I've come to learn that nobody is ever really normal anyway.

And that's what's so great about it.

In the wise words of Grandma Aggie Cromwell from Halloweentown...

Life's Tough, Get a Helmet

I must apologize for my extended absence, life has been getting in the way of everything these days.
Actually, school has been getting in the way of everything these days.
Don't get me wrong, I love it....
It's just slowly chipping away at my sanity which is really great because I'm the one who's supposed to be sane helping those in my position.

Life is funny like that.

It's also not fair.

But then again we were taught that at a young age right along with the "Because I said so" line.

We had to do a little assignment in my first semester of graduate school about what are top 5 dream jobs would be if we didn't have anything holding us back or in the way.

Well, here are mine:
CEO of Disney (because we all know I would rock that job)
A Professional Lego Builder (have you seen my collection?!)
An Author (that's what happens when you grow up the librarian's granddaughter)
A tour manager (cough cough Taylor Swift I'm free whenever)
The Doctor's Companion (We all know that's a hard job, for those of you who don't know what this is, it's a doctor who thing)

Thing is, I could probably try for one or two on that list...

But the majority of those aren't stable enough for my reality.

I need insurance, I need to make enough to pay for my medicine and doctors appointments, and I need a job that is flexible for when I flare.

Life is not fair for a lot of people.

But when you're diagnosed at 6 years old, that isn't the first thing that pops into your head.
As a matter of fact, that thought didn't pop into my head until I wasn't able to play the sports that I loved.

Yes I'm stressed and going crazy, but my point isn't to sit here and bring up all the negatives in my life or to make you think about the negatives in yours.

It's to make you think a different way.

For those who love Cory and Topanga and who have seen every episode of Boy Meets World, like me, then you'll understand this.




Eric is telling his little brother that he needs to get used to the fact that life is gonna suck sometimes, he's telling him to get thicker skin, to get a helmet.

Well, yeah, that's true...but I like his helmet idea (at this point you're thinking I've jumped off the deep end, but I promise you as a counselor, I've declared myself mentally stable).

Get a helmet. Protect yourself.
Now you're saying "Kara you told us you take risks"
Yes, I do.
But protect yourself from the negativity.

Yes I need a job that will provide me with a stable income and insurance, thank goodness I found counseling because it's not only something I love but it provides me with just that.

Yes I can't be CEO of Disney, but I can go whenever I want.

Yes I can't be Taylor Swift's Tour manager, but I can still be her biggest fan (her album drops 2 weeks from today)

Yes I might be in pain, but at least I'm feeling something.

Yes I may never get to be on the Ellen show to talk about my new book or how the doctor saved the world again, but I can sure as heck still dance with her while she's on tv.

When the "tough skin" helmet doesn't work, get a new one.
Try the "positivity helmet" or the "friends"helmet or the "netflix" helmet (that's my favorite).

See my point is to find a different outlook on things because life isn't fair and it's not going to change.

If I had wasted my time years ago thinking how doomed I was that I had this disability, then how depressed would I be today.

You have to focus on what you do have, what you can accomplish, and how far you've come.

I remind myself of those things when I'm having a crappy day.

I'm lucky enough to have 12 different helmets of all shapes, sizes, and strengths that help me walk and move around every single day.

In fact, tonight is shot night.

Life isn't fair, but it gives us little things along the way to help protect us and give us the strength to get through those rough days.

The next time you think the phrase "life isn't fair", I want you to think of things that you have that other's don't.

Most people call this counting their blessings, but Eric Matthews is just reminding you to put on a helmet.


Disclaimer Note: While I have declared myself mentally stable, I am not a licensed counselor and this idea of helmets and blessings have nothing to do with the ABC or Disney broadcasting companies. Although one day when I'm CEO, that might change....
:)

Accept Adaptation

Acceptance: favorable reception or approval
Adapt: to change (something) so that it functions better or is better suited for a purpose

As most of you know, i'm in a mental health counseling program. There are a lot of times where people talk about accepting things and moving on and whatnot when it comes to whatever they happen to be struggling with at the time.

Well, acceptance is a big thing when it comes to disability.
Most of us are told we need to just accept the fact that we have a disability and once we do, that life will then become easier.

That's not always true.

When you accept something, you are approving that it happens.

Well, I don't really approve of having a disability, but there's really nothing that I can do to change that.

So what now? Do I just accept that fact and move on?

No.

Another big thing that is starting to show up in the research is the term adaptation.
Now one guy who has a disability says that we don't need to accept it, we need to adapt to it.

I kind of agree, but see at first glance, he's saying we need to adapt to the disability.

Well, I don't like that idea because it's basically saying that I need to change myself for the disability.

I'm not about to do that, I'm too stubborn to give into something and let it have it's way.

So because I'm a world famous psychologist and I have tons of literature and research studies published, I came up with the idea that we need to accept adaptation.

Now, I'm not saying that we need to approve of us changing.
No.
I'm saying that we need to accept that something (See above underlined and bold word) needs to change so that it functions better.

Accepting adaptation.

I don't like the idea that my disease overrules me sometimes. I'm not going to accept that. I'm not going to adapt to that. I'm going to accept the fact that it needs to change.

The disease and disability needs to adapt to us.

Now, I understand that you're probably thinking "this girl is crazy if she thinks that a disease can adapt to a person".

And yeah, I'm a bit looney (you can thank grad school for that).

No, I'm saying that society needs to change it's ideas of disabilities, fund raising needs to be going to research for disabilities and to better help those who need it, and things need to be happening to raise awareness of those with disabilities.

I'm tired of hearing stories and talking to people who have no one to turn to because nobody understands them.

I'm tired of bullies picking on kids because they look different or walk different.

I'm tired of having to fight this disease when nobody knows about the war.

I'm not going to adapt or accept.
I'm going to accept that the stigma and disability needs to adapt to me.

One of my favorite quotes is, "Acceptance is not giving up, it’s choosing to live beyond the things you cannot change, it’s choosing to recognize the pain and live anyways".

By recognizing that "yeah, this is going on, but I'm gonna push through it and go about my life" is wonderful and amazing because you are being stronger than your disability.

Let's all recognize the pain that happens in the lives of those with chronic illnesses.
But, let's all change the way we think about it.

Anything Men can do, a woman with a disability can do better!

There's a lot going on in the media today about Feminism. Apparently nobody will listen unless Beyonce has it in bright letters behind her while she twerks on stage, yay Feminisim! Is there something wrong with that statement?
Yes.
But that's not the reason I'm talking about it today.
I've always thought that I'm somewhat of a feminist, I mean which woman born in this century isn't?
Don't answer that question because yes, I realize there are some ladies who disagree.
I'm not a hardcore not shave my legs no bra type of feminist.
I'm the type who wants to be treated the same as men. I want to be given the same opportunities that men get, equal pay, and to be seen not as an object, but as a person.




Now, I'll be the first to admit that a guy should be respectful and open doors and offer to pay and whatnot.
Does that mean I'm a hypocrite?
No, because I'm going to offer to pay, open a door if he's close to me, and everything else.
Once again, this is not why I'm talking about this, I just wanted to go ahead and get my thoughts and opinions out of the way before I actually get to the real stuff.

So, everyone knows about the glass ceiling for women and how they have to jump all the obstacles that society puts in front of them.
But what about a woman with a disability?
In the eyes of society, she's twice as disqualified as a man is, is she not?
Not only is she seen as weak and incompetent, but now she has a disability that makes her useless.
Please realize that these are not my views, we all know I am both a woman and have a disability! :)
It's just something that people don't realize when they think of feminism or glass ceilings.
They think of the regular able-bodied woman who is able to do everything a man can do...if not better.
But what about the disabled woman (who in my case can do everything a man can do...if not better) who has limitations with what she can and can't do? Why aren't we thinking about her? Why aren't we empowering her?

How do we empower her, you ask?
The same way we empower women as a whole.
Granted, us regular people don't need bright signs or twerking bodies to do so.
We need to bring awareness to the issue.
We need to shine the bright light that is the American's Disability Act, as well as showing that she is a strong woman despite her disability.

Next time you are feeling the girl power and think about how badly and unfairly women are treated in society, not only here...but around the world...think about disabled women.

If you think you are seen as weak, imagine how they feel.

Slow your roll

My break this summer was 2.5 weeks.
Technically it was like 3, but I had to be back early for school stuff (go figure).

During my break I went to California, had my 23rd birthday, hit up every single doctor I have, and then I got sick.

This is something that happens a lot to me because:
1. I have a next to nothing immune system annnnddd
2. I have what's called the Cawthon Luck, it runs in the family.

Over my so called break, I didn't slow down until I got sick.
This is normally how my body forces me to slow down, so I wasn't that surprised when I woke up a week ago with a sore throat.

I'm still congested.

Now, a normal regular human being wouldn't have to schedule every single doctor appointment in one week because they don't have that many doctors...they wouldn't have a cold (yes, a cold) for much longer than maybe 3 days...and they wouldn't have to be forced to slow down by their body.

But, as well all know...I'm not normal and I'm totally ok with that!

In order for me to rest, because I'm me and I don't have time to slow down (there are things to do and people to seeeee!!), my body will either stress itself out so much that it just stops working (a flareup) or I'll catch any little things that is floating around (I think I caught it from a 6 year old coughing 3 seats down from me on the plane).

I'm used to this, but it still sucks knowing that it could happen at any moment.
I'm supposed to take care of myself and get enough rest and eat healthy and blah blah blah...
Hahahahaha! I maybe do like one of those.

If you have an autoimmune disease, you know how easy it is to catch things.
There is literally no way to avoid it.
However, this year my roommate got the flu and I was out of the house within 15 minutes of her finding out...
I never got it.
That is NOT the Cawthon luck.
I don't know how I didn't get sick, but by golly it didn't happen.

Let me explain to you what happens when my body doesn't slow down.
You already know about the flareups (if not, go back a few posts and you'll see).

Your version of sick:


My version of sick:




No, I'm kidding...kind of!
For a person with no immune system, getting something as small as a cold makes them feel like they just got run over by a monster truck, hit in the head by a baseball bat, and then thrown into a freezing pool.

That's why if someone is sick, I try and stay away. Not because I don't want to be around them, but because my body is having a hard time trying to not kill itself, that it doesn't need to try and kill other germs.

I still love you guys though!

What's really funny, and I say this all the time, but I would rather have a flareup than have a cold.

I know, I know.
Why would you want to be stuck in bed unable to move instead of having a cold.
Well, because I know how to deal with that kind of pain.

I know that If I position my body a certain way, I can ummm, make it hurt less, well at least temporarily until the pain pill takes over.
With a cold...you can't breathe, can't sleep, can't numb it with a pain killer.
See my point?

I can't really avoid getting sick, but I can help prevent it.
I can slow my roll, stay away from those who I know are sick, and I can become a healthier human being by taking care of myself.

You can do all of these things tooo, it's not just for those who have a picket fence of an immune system instead of the great wall of china type.

So Slow your roll and don't stress about the things you can't control.
It will help your body out as well as your mind.


Disclaimer Note: I'm not a hypocrite, however while I know what you should do...that doesn't mean I'll always do it. You know good and well how hard it is to slow down when you're going 100 miles per hour a day. But, that doesn't mean we shouldn't try :) Here's to slowing our rolls together!!

22

I don't know about you, But I'm certainly not 22.

So yesterday was my 23rd birthday and it was just what I needed.
I was surrounded by a few friends and close family.
It was a perfect doctor who themed party followed by a great afternoon with quality time with just my brother. I needed that too.

I've never been one to dwell on getting older, nor have I ever been one to want to stay a certain age forever.

I mean, I'm pretty awesome in that I'm 23, I look like I'm still under 21 because they card me everywhere I go, I have the liver of an alcoholic (the one who doesn't really drink gets the bad liver), annnndddd I have the brittle bones of an 86 year old.

I literally have the best of every world there is! :)

Still, I found myself this morning when I woke up hating the fact that I was 23.

It's not an even number.
I don't have a really good catchy song to go along with it (nobody likes Blink 182's "what's my age again")
       "Nobody likes you when you're 23"....no Blink 182...nobody likes you...
And I just don't like the way it sounds.

While I may not like the number 23, I'm going to like this year.

22 was the best and worst year of my life so far.

I moved to Tallahassee.
I met wonderful people who have taught me so many things about respect, diversity, and friendship.
I got to travel to LA with my grandmother.
I went to football games and concerts.
I was able to start research and earn respect from professors that I want to work with.
I kept a stellar GPA when my world was crashing down around me.
I got to spend the last year with the ones I loved before they were gone.

I have to say that yesterday was harder than I expected it to be.
I'd be lying if I said I didn't cry yesterday because Meeme and Papa's names weren't signed on my card, or that I didn't get to eat a burger or steak grilled by the master chef himself, or that I didn't get to see Brandy coming toward me with that silly dog smile on her face.
I cried.
And it'll be a while before we stop.

Being 22 taught me that no matter what, family and friends will always be there for you.
It taught me to push through when you don't think you can.
And it taught me that no matter what I do, the ones I lost will be proud of me.

If you noticed I didn't name the bad things that happened to me this year.
There's no need to sit and list them because being 22 is over. It's time to begin at 23.

So this year...
I will be the best me I can be.
I will make mistakes because I'm young and I can.
I will make Them proud.
I will cry because I miss them.
I will make memories because I never know when the last time I get to see somebody is.
I will take care of my body (yeaahhh, this one is gonna take some work lol!)
I'm going to get into a Ph.D program because I want to.

There are so many things that I'm going to strive for this year because I never know what's going to happen next.
Like I said, 22 was the best and worst year and there were points where I didn't think it could get worse and times where I didn't think it could get any better.

But it can always get worse and it can always get better.
It just depends on how you look at what's facing you.

I was and I am "happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time".
It was and still "miserable and magical".

Nothing has changed. Or has everything changed?
(side note: everything has changed is a Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran song, sorry I had to lol)

And 23 might have health scares, deaths, wonderful grades, a doctoral program, and so much more.

So bring it on, 23, bring it on.


Did you really think that I would talk about being 22 and not have Taylor lyrics in it?!
I really hope by now, that you guys know me :)