It's like I'm on commercial break between two really adventurous and addicting shows.
It's the summer. The first true summer I've had in 2 years and the last one I'll have for who knows how long.
You would think that I'm enjoying it! Don't get me wrong, I am! I love not having responsibilities or homework or professors to impress.
But it's so hard going from 60 to 0. For the past 2 years I've had something to do all the time and now I really don't have anything.
It's been a little over a month since I've graduated and I've already read 5 books and watched 3 tv shows.
I love this time because I can relax.
But I also am not a fan of my commercial break because of 2 reasons:
The first is that I can't really do anything because of my health.
Remember that hospital stay a few months ago?! Yeah, well, that's made it to where I can't get on planes or go to Disney (that's a really big deal for me) or really even be anywhere close to someone who is really sick.
The second and probably the most difficult is that I'm growing up. This commercial break is going to end soon and I'm going to wake up and it'll hit me that I'm in a doc program. Right now it's still just words. Right now that's months in the future when in reality it's 2.5 months away. I do not like the idea of growing up lol! I think it's why I like Peter Pan so much. Growing up means more problems. The other downside to growing up is coming to terms with the fact that all of your friends leave you. Now, I've had friends move before. I have 2 in Texas, one in Hawaii, and a few in Georgia. Now the friends that I've spent the last 2 years with (that's another big deal because I'm not talking like oh you see them every now and then during those 2 years...no this is everyday all day even on the weekends for 2 years) are moving to different places.
I'm complaining right now and I'm not sorry for it lol!
What does this have to do with having Arthritis? I promise I have a point, it's not all whining lol!
Growing up is inevitable and my commercial break will end in 2.5 months. I can't stop that. I can't control that.
The future is something that everyone worries about.
Now imagine having a disability.
The uncertainty of how my body will handle the stress of a program as demanding as the one I'm entering is stressful. The thought of not having my best friends close when I need someone to crawl in bed and watch greys anatomy with me because I can't move, is scary. I could go on, but I won't.
I like my commercial break so much because it's like hitting the pause button on life for just a little bit.
Once this is over, my next adventure will begin. I'll handle it and succeed just like I do with everything else! It's normal for us to worry about what the future holds. It's exciting and scary. But that doesn't mean we won't miss how things were.
Ask me in 2.5 months if I'm ready for that adventure to start, hopefully it'll be a different answer than I have right now.
Or I might have run off to be a dolphin trainer....you never know what the future holds!!
I'll try to write more this summer and not leave you hanging for 2 months. Arthritis kids camp is coming up, so stay tuned for stories from Disney Camp!!!
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